LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE
LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE
MONICA, 20, HAPPY

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emmkayh:

When I think of him, I don’t remember the way he kissed her in the elevator or how she looked in the jacket he used to give to me. It takes more effort to remember the year of discrepancy and the lack of focus I had in all aspects of the rest of my high school years. For someone I thought I’d never forget, I forgave and for all the advice I never took to heart- they mattered, the most, after all. It was his voice that left first and soon after, the place he had in my heart. And very soon, I just forgot all together and I didn’t have to remember to forget anymore. One day, I woke up and it just didn’t hurt anymore and for something that I thought would hurt forever- stopped hurting faster than I had planned. So quickly that even if you wished to miss them, you don’t because time inevitably heals, even when you aren’t ready to see the wounds go.
There’s something so integral about being attracted to the pain. You become so adapted to the parts of yourself that hurt more than the things in life making you happy and you let your failures guide you more than your value. I think that’s why relationships fall apart- it isn’t the possible infidelity or insecurities that pick away at the scabs; it’s the pity we salvage to continuously feel until we grow numb of reality and reality is.. it really isn’t as bad as we make it out to be.
At the end, when it really matters, I take with me the good. I remember people at their best. When I think of him, I remember the day he stood ever so still, whispering out loud the words, “Please.. no more” and I blinked away all the madness and breathed in all the sad and I didn’t understand it back then but I do now, four years later: you fight for the people you love. People fight for you and you have to be there to recognize their efforts. You have to be there to acknowledge your worth to them and in that split second, you have to remember how the world stopped spinning around you and how your surroundings blurred clear and you have to remember what it felt like to be loved and to feel beauty rather than see it and how it felt to be fought for. Because people won’t fight forever- we aren’t made invincible. And people do change and emotions come and go but for the fleeting substantial minute in the time they do love you- you’ve got to hold onto.. because you’ll use that for the next time. And the next time, you promise yourself you’ll be better because you know now what it’s like to be loved.

When I think of him, I don’t remember the way he kissed her in the elevator or how she looked in the jacket he used to give to me. It takes more effort to remember the year of discrepancy and the lack of focus I had in all aspects of the rest of my high school years. For someone I thought I’d never forget, I forgave and for all the advice I never took to heart- they mattered, the most, after all. It was his voice that left first and soon after, the place he had in my heart. And very soon, I just forgot all together and I didn’t have to remember to forget anymore. One day, I woke up and it just didn’t hurt anymore and for something that I thought would hurt forever- stopped hurting faster than I had planned. So quickly that even if you wished to miss them, you don’t because time inevitably heals, even when you aren’t ready to see the wounds go.

There’s something so integral about being attracted to the pain. You become so adapted to the parts of yourself that hurt more than the things in life making you happy and you let your failures guide you more than your value. I think that’s why relationships fall apart- it isn’t the possible infidelity or insecurities that pick away at the scabs; it’s the pity we salvage to continuously feel until we grow numb of reality and reality is.. it really isn’t as bad as we make it out to be.

At the end, when it really matters, I take with me the good. I remember people at their best. When I think of him, I remember the day he stood ever so still, whispering out loud the words, “Please.. no more” and I blinked away all the madness and breathed in all the sad and I didn’t understand it back then but I do now, four years later: you fight for the people you love. People fight for you and you have to be there to recognize their efforts. You have to be there to acknowledge your worth to them and in that split second, you have to remember how the world stopped spinning around you and how your surroundings blurred clear and you have to remember what it felt like to be loved and to feel beauty rather than see it and how it felt to be fought for. Because people won’t fight forever- we aren’t made invincible. And people do change and emotions come and go but for the fleeting substantial minute in the time they do love you- you’ve got to hold onto.. because you’ll use that for the next time. And the next time, you promise yourself you’ll be better because you know now what it’s like to be loved.

posted on 02-2-2012 ♥ 138 notes

138 notes
reblogged from luuwendy
originally posted by 1112pm